• An exercise in culture-jamming;
• The start of a viral marketing campaign;
• The work of some too-clever-by-half marketing people;
• A reflection of how Londoners really feel about pervasive surveillance.

Tom Gordon, Director of Marketing for Anheuser-Busch, confirmed today that the beverage giant will be among the first advertisers, "We think it's a tremendous opportunity," said Gordon. "Picture this, you're working late at night on a crucial project. Your computer crashes. You've lost all your important work. It's definitely time for a beer, and we'll be there to remind you that the beer should be a beechwood-aged Budweiser. We like to call it 'The Bud Screen Of Death'."

From the Communist takeover of China in 1949 on, the war - French, South Vietnamese, American - was unwinnable. So long as they had the will to prosecute the war, the North Vietnamese would get the means from across the Chinese border, and they had the will. Their ruthless regime under Ho Chi Minh gave them no choice about it. Five U.S. Presidents - Truman, Eisenhower, Kennedy, Johnson, Nixon - knew this. The Pentagon Papers showed they were not misled. They got rosy estimates of "progress" in the war, but they also got the truth from the intelligence agencies, diplomats, and the military. They knew. So why did they send Americans to kill and die in Vietnam?

Reading the Pentagon Papers in 1969 Daniel Ellsberg saw why: "The president was part of the problem. This was clearly a matter of his role, not of his personality or party. As I was beginning to see it, the concentration of power within the executive branch since World War II had focused nearly all responsibility for policy 'failure' upon one man, the president. At the same time, it gave him enormous capability to avert or postpone or conceal such personal failure by means of force and fraud. Confronted by resolute external resistance, as in Vietnam, that power could not fail to corrupt the human who held it."

What I am sending now is an EXTREMELY DIFFERENT VERSION of a novel that I sent to Tor Books in April 2001 (it was rejected). I am sending you this altered manuscript now because THIS VERSION INCLUDES MATHEMATICAL PROOFS THAT REVEAL THE SECRET OF THE UNIVERSE and THE REJECTED ONE DID NOT. Furthermore, I made drastic changes in the story line, which is why I feel that this is worth consideration.

Pretty Woman
Release date: Christmas 2005

Young Vivian (Madonna) is turning tricks on the streets of L.A. when Edward (Bruce Willis) pulls up in his Porsche Boxster. He offers Vivian $50,000 to be his "date" for the week, and since that's more money than she can conceive of, she readily accepts, temporarily leaving behind her roommate Kit (Molly Ringwald). Over the course of the week, Edward and Vivian share intimacies beyond the run-of-the-mill fellatio (though there's plenty of that, too); Edward's friends and associates are bewitched by the coltish, unspoiled Vivian and wonder where he could have possibly found her. When Edward's business partner Phil (Jim Belushi) expresses his concern that Vivian may be a corporate spy, Edward quells his fears by informing him that Vivian is a prostitute. Phil responds by heading to Edward's hotel suite and making sexual advances toward Vivian. However, Phil didn't bargain on Vivian's being a yoga-toned, Pilates-firmed kickboxer, and she beats him so severely he ends up in a coma. Vivian and Edward live happily ever after.

The difficulty of the installer should be like those little signs in front of rides at amusement parks: "You must be this tall to ride."

Torres: "You don't think I'm hostile, do you?"

Kim: ""Uh...no?"

Torres: "I speak my mind, I'm forthright, but that's different from hostile."

Kim: (edging away as if fearing for his life) "Very different."

Torres: "And if someone were to SAY I was hostile, they'd be way off base. RIGHT?!!"

Kim: (still nervous)"Oh, absolutely,"

Torres: (sounds sad and contemplative) "Then how come you look like you're afraid for your life?"

"I didn't realize becoming human again would be such a challenge. Sexuality is particularly complex. As Borg we had no need for seduction, no time for single-celled fertilization. We saw a species we wanted and we assimilated it. Nevertheless, I am willing to explore my humanity. Take off your clothes."

... The first mouse throws down a shot of bourbon, slams the empty glass onto the bar, turns to the second mouse and says, "When I see a mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, bench press it twenty times to work up an appetite, and then make off with the cheese."

The second mouse orders up two shots of tequila, drinks them down one after the other, slams both glasses onto the bar, turns to the first mouse and replies, "Oh yeah? When I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can, take it home, grind it up to a powder, and add it to my coffee each morning so I can get a good buzz going for the rest of the day."

The first mouse and the second mouse then turn to the third mouse. The third mouse finishes the beer he has in front of him, lets out a long sigh and says to the first two, "I don't have time for this bullshit. Gotta go home and have sex with the cat."

Counsel: [...] Now, Mr Chrysler, perhaps you will describe what reason you had to steal 40,000 coat hangers?

Chrysler: Is that a question?

Counsel: Yes.

Chrysler: It doesn't sound like one. It sounds like a proposition which doesn't believe in itself. You know - "Perhaps I will describe the reason I had to steal 40,000 coat hangers... Perhaps I won't... Perhaps I'll sing a little song instead..."

Judge: In fairness to Mr Lovelace, Mr Chrysler, I should remind you that barristers have an innate reluctance to frame a question as a question. Where you and I would say, "Where were you on Tuesday?", they are more likely to say, "Perhaps you could now inform the court of your precise whereabouts on the day after that Monday?". It isn't, strictly, a question, and it is not graceful English but you must pretend that it is a question and then answer it, otherwise we will be here for ever. Do you understand?

Chrysler: Yes, m'lud.

Judge: Carry on, Mr Lovelace.

Judge: Tell me, Mr Chrysler, do these businessmen of yours also have Gideon Bibles by their bedside at home?

Chrysler: Many of them, sir.

Judge: And where do you get the Gideon Bibles from?

Chrysler: Alas, they, too, have to be taken from hotels.

Judge: Then why are you not also up on a charge of Bible-stealing?

Chrysler: Because the Bibles do not belong to the hotels. They belong to the Gideon Society. And the Gideon Society has decided not to prosecute me, but to forgive me and tell me to go and sin no more.

Judge: And have you sinned no more?

Chrysler: Alas, no.

When British television resumed in 1946, it re-started right at the same point in the Mickey Mouse cartoon where it was shut off in 1939. Then the announcer Jasmine Bligh came on and said, "Sorry for the interruption of our programme service. Our next presentation is..." As if nothing had happened!